You can also find me at:
Collegehumor
Wikipedia
"I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks. "
Ask Me Anything!
Theme by nostrich.
Photo with 2 notes
If you’re in Dallas this weekend and want to drink a shit load of craft beer that is literally illegal to sell or purchase, stop by Bishop Arts in Oak Cliff (that’s my hood) for the 2013 Brew Riot competition. I’m competing this year with a friend’s home brew club and we’re hoping not to come in last place.
It’s a suggested donation of $20, but you can pay whatever you want for unlimited beer. It’s basically going to be a drunk version of Portlandia.
So, yeah. Come out to Oak Cliff on Sunday 5/19 and drink our amazing beer that we spent all day yesterday making and we’ll spend all day next weekend making again.
We’ll have the following:
- Irishman’s Breakfast (Oatmeal Milk Stout)
- Farmboy’s Saison (Belgian Saison)
- Honey Brew Brew (Honey Amber)
You’ve always wanted to see me get sunburned and daydrunk while rambling on about beer, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.
Text with 7 notes
This was in the Denver best of’s like 5 years ago, catch up Dallas.
That’s the big joke in Dallas. If something is cool in Denver/LA/New York, it’ll take a good few years before it hits Dallas. Examples:
- Food trucks finally became cool in 2012, and we’ve just reached the point where the market is over-saturated (there are 27 in competition for the “Best Of” this year)
- Artisan butcher shops are just now becoming cool.
- We had our first ever craft beer festival in April 2012.
- Local honey is still pretty much underground.
- Our pub quiz team name is a Community reference. It has yet to be pronounced correctly.
- No one knows/cares about Lena Dunham
We’re also hoping to one day experience this World Series Championship that we’ve been hearing about so much.
Photo with 5 notes
It’s no secret that the Dallas St. Patrick’s Day Parade (formerly called the Lower Greenville Parade) is one of my favorite parts about Dallas. Half of the reason I’ve lived off of Greenville for 5 years is for this magical weekend experience. Since this will be my 9th or 10th parade, I’ve come up with a lot of tips for new parade goers.
This map represents, what I believe, to be the best spots to catch the parade and rage responsibly. There are other, more kid and family friendly areas further down Greenville as you get closer to SMU Blvd, but these are the best.
The red dots represent the absolute best spots. They represent the Sigel’s parking lot, the CVS parking lot, and the (my favorite) the Old Town parking lot in front of World Market. These areas will have the best crowds, lots of food nearby, and with port-a-potties available. Also, these areas are about dead center on the parade, so you’ll see it at its apex.
The blue dots are your second best spots. They represent the parking lot in front of Palm Beach Tan, the Old Town parking lot in front of Bockbuster, and the parking lot for Central Market. The drawbacks here are that you won’t have immediate access to bathrooms. The Central Market parking lot can also get crowded with the post 5K crowd.
Remember to use the buddy system, use the DART trains if at all possible, and never drive after drinking.
Rage responsibly, Dallas. Sláinte!
Text with 2 notes
The Rules to Survive the Dallas St. Patrick’s Day Parade and After-Parties
The following are my college friend’s rules to enjoying and surviving the Dallas St. Paddy’s Day Parade and After-Parties. He’s been updating the rules for the last 6 years.
I try and keep an updated annual “blog” of rules based on my many years of St. Paddy’s day alcoholism, and trust me these are tried and true. I have adjusted slightly for 2013, but let me know if i left any off! Happy raging!
Now everyone’s experiences on Lower/Upper Greenville may vary, but if you look forward to the normal 8am - ? drinking bender that I do every year on this beautiful day, here are some guidelines to avoid embarrassment, severe personal injury/embarrassment, etc:
Photo with 13 notes
If you’re in Dallas in late May and want to drink a shit load of craft beer that is literally illegal to sell or purchase, stop by Bishop Arts in Oak Cliff (that’s my hood) for the 2013 Brew Riot competition. I’m competing this year with a friend’s home brew club and we’re hoping not to come in last place.
It’s a suggested donation of $20, but you can pay whatever you want for unlimited beer. It’s basically going to be a drunk version of Portlandia.
So, yeah. Come out to Oak Cliff on Sunday 5/19 and drink our amazing beer that we spent all day yesterday making and we’ll spend all day next weekend making again.
We’ll have the following:
- Irishman’s Breakfast (Oatmeal Milk Stout)
- Farmboy’s Saison (Belgian Saison)
- Honey Brew Brew (Honey Amber)
Photo with 6 notes
Back from the first ever craft beer festival in Dallas and now I have some sort of idea why the Great American Beer Festival in Denver is such a big deal. This was some of the most exhausting and rewarding volunteer work that I’ve ever done, and at the end of the day we each got a dozen tastings of some fantastic beers.
Shout out to the 5,000+ that showed up. We love you all and thank you for helping make this dream a success.
Photo with 3 notes
Tomorrow at 1 PM in Dallas!
If you don’t have your tickets yet, you have 30 hours left to buy them online, save time and money. General admission is $35, Designated Drivers are $20, and VIPs are $60. Today is the last day to buy them online. At the door, GA admissions are $5 more expensive.
This is the first craft beer festival in the history of Dallas. The O’s and Fish Fry Bingo are scheduled to perform. Also, a shit ton of food trucks. Here is a partial list of the participating breweries (Dallas/Ft Worth breweries in bold):
Abbey Beverage Co.
Abita Beer
Ace Premium Hard Ciders
Adelbert’s Brewery
Affligem
Alaskan Brewing Co.
Armadillo Ale Works – Serving Craft Sodas
Avery Brewing
Ayinger
Ballast Point
Bard’s Tale Beer Company (Gluten-Free)
Bavik
Bear Republic
Belhaven
Big Sky Brewing
Bitburger
Blanche de Bruxelles
Blue Moon
Boulevard Brewing Co.
Breckenridge Brewery
Brooklyn Brewery
Brasserie D’Achouffe
Chimay
Choc Beer
Clown Shoes
Crispin Cider
Deep Ellum Brewing Co.
Deschutes Brewery
Dogfish Head
Duvel Moortgat
Franconia Brewing
Franziskaner Beer
Great Divide Brewing Co.
Green’s (Gluten-Free)
Guinness
Harpoon Brewery
Heineken USA
Hoegaarden
Hofbrau
Imperial
Jester King Craft Brewery
Julius Echter
Krombacher
Kronenbourg
Lakewood Brewing (Will not be pouring beer)
Laughing Dog
Leffe
Left Hand Brewing
Leprechaun Hard Cider
Leinenkugel’s Brewing
Liefmans
Lindemans
Magic Hat
Maui Brewing
Moretti
Negra Modelo
New Belgium Brewing
No Label Brewing
North Coast Brewing Co.
Ommegang
Oskar Blues Brewery
Peticolas Brewing
Pinkus
Pyramid
Rahr & Sons Brewing
Rochefort
Saint Arnold
Samuel Adams
Samuel Smith
San Miguel
Santa Fe Brewing
Shiner Beers
Sierra Nevada Brewing
Southern Star Brewing
Spaten
Squatters Beers
Staropramen
Steinlager
Stella Artois
Stone Brewing
Timmerman’s
Troubadour
Unibroue
Van Steenberge
Victoria
Wasatch
Weihenstephan
Well’s & Young’s
Westmalle
W.M. Magner’s Cider
Woodchuck Cider
Xingu
Zatec
Shannon and I will be working as volunteers, so stop by and say hey if you’re going.
Text with 6 notes
The Rules to Survive the Dallas St. Patty’s Day Parade and After-Parties
The following are my college friend’s rules to enjoying and surviving the Dallas St. Patty’s Day Parade and After-Parties. He’s been updating the rules for the last 6 years.
I try and keep an updated annual “blog” of rules based on my many years of St. Patty’s day alcoholism, and trust me these are tried and true. I have adjusted slightly for 2012, but let me know if i left any off! Happy raging!
Now everyone’s experiences on Lower/Upper Greenville may vary, but if you look forward to the normal 8am - ? drinking bender that I do every year on this beautiful day, here are some guidelines to avoid embarrassment, severe personal injury/embarrassment, etc:
1) Always bring LOTS OF CASH (preferably in the form of 5’s and 1’s in order to save time and not piss off the equally impatient and drunk ppl behind you). I would recommend spreading this money out around different pockets, orifices, etc on your body. Pickpocketing from a drunk-ass is like stealing candy from a semi-retarded infant. Also, the ATM lines are roughly 20000000k miles long. You will shrivel up and die by the time you get beer money from these.
2) Bring 2 forms of ID. Now you will generally not be asked for 2 forms, but you have lost at least one, and possibly some credit cards as an added bonus
3) Wear green that a blind person to see to avoid idiots fucking with you b/c they don’t notice that you simply have a green and white striped shirt. This will minimize the beatings you will take from guys you will somehow be having beers with later that afternoon (?)
4) If you actually care about any of the friends you start the day with I would recommend not leaving anyone even to piss. Be piss pals. This is respect the fact that your cell phone WILL NOT WORK AT ALL amongst the other 5000000 drunk fucks trying to find their friends. If you want to go as that hammered guy raging alone please disregard #4.
5) NEVER BE ALONE outside of the designated drunk drinking area. For some odd reason (the cop wouldn’t explain to me why) Police target and fuck with anyone who is walking alone, stumbling or not. If you are with just one other person however, feel free to dance on the DART rail with a bottle of whiskey and said green dye in hand, as this is socially acceptable for public safety? I was detained twice in 1 hour for above mentioned rule infraction.
6) Don’t buy liquor for a homeless man b/c you feel you are doing something nice. He will follow you like a needy girlfriend for the rest of the day telling you about how his life got so sad and pathetic.
7) Carry around whatever it is that you will need to wake back up a bit around 2-3pm b/c you do not want to pass out in someone’s yard or you could wake up in their basement with a ball gag in your mouth.
8) Have at least one person in your group that you know can ACTUALLY fight, as you will most likely have 3-4 friends who KNOW they can fight but can in actuality just piss off the largest UFC/college football player/etc that happens to be wasted in the general vicinity. That way, the real fighter can buy you some time as you stumble sprint off towards the nearest cop like a child looking for protection (no shame in this).
9) Do not try to get into areas where you have to have special wristbands if you don’t have one. Trying to sweet talk a sober bouncer when you’re not even sure you’re making words is just embarrassing for everyone involved. Trust me!
10) Don’t drive unless you wanna end up the news for some sort of felony that will be both funny and horribly tragic.
11) If you have a camera you care about, don’t be an idiot and bring it, as you will not see it again (unless your lucky and it resurfaces 2 years later). Man up and spend the $90 it costs now to get a cheap POS at Best Buy. The cheaper it is, the more likely it is to survive.
12) Milo’s has more security cameras than you think outside. Be careful what you do there.
13) The greener the beer, the sicker it will make you. Period.
14) Avoid my punch if you intend on having memories. Pictures are your friend on Sunday.
15) When kegs are empty, lock in a SECURE facility along with all rented equipment. Hiding them in the backyard underneath an inflatable baby pool (don’t ask) is not *secure*. This will save you about 300 hungover $’s come Sunday.
16) Don’t park your car directly in front of the house that you are throwing the party at unless it’s 2001 or older. It will be keyed.
17) The punch recipe dosage has been increased. Please refer to rule 14.
IF I think of any more things me…errr…my friends did last year, I’ll update this as I get increasingly bored at work. Also feel free to make any addendums that I make have neglected or did not happen to someone I know…
Thanks for reading and look for me violating rules 1-17 this Saturday.
Photo with 7 notes
The Granada Theatre thanks Mark Cuban for saving the Dallas St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Every year, there is an unofficial afterparty at the Granada. The parade, afterparty, and block party are vital to the mid-Spring economy along Lowest Greenville, M Streets, and Greenland Hills. I can’t tell you enough how much I love Cubes for saving my favorite Dallas tradition.
Photo reblogged from dallas tumblr users with 18 notes
Mark your calendars, bitches. Also, I’m taking my TABC server’s test again, just so I can volunteer and help pour that wonderful, delicious, craft brew gold for all of you lovely people.
It’s a Rangers away game at the Twins with a first pitch at 12:10 PM, so you can bet we’ll have the game on for you to enjoy.
Also, if you’re keeping score at home, this is the first beer festival ever within Dallas proper.
Page 1 of 10
